THE POWER OF LISTENING

Basic First Aid Lesson 1

You are reading this because you are a caregiver. You deeply desire to be a liberating entity for those in your world. You want to be there for friends and family who are going through hard times. For some of you, you want to honor God and carry out His command to love other people as much as you love and respect yourself. Good on you. I am proud of your willingness to engage in caring for others.

So many people say to me when their friend is in crisis, “I don’t know what to say!” That may be the best thing going for you. Some of the most effective help to people in tough places is done with your ears and not your lips.

A fun adage states,
“If God would have intended you to speak more than to listen,
He would have given you two mouths with one ear missin’!”

Use the 2 to 1 ratio of listening to talking. Work to hear them out. Take enough time so they feel heard and understood. There is such power in just listening to a hurting friend. Here are the main benefits for doing a good job in hearing them out well.

VALIDATES THEIR PAIN. They will experience that their hurts matter. The stresses they are carrying aren’t being dismissed. By listening, you are giving them the permission to feel, to get in touch with what their problems are doing to them. By identifying with them, they can understand their emotions better and begin to sort through what is going on inside.

CONVEYS THEIR WORTH. Your presence alone tells them you value them. By merely taking some time with them you are screaming that they are significant. When you go so far as to ask questions, listen attentively and validate their pain, you build their self-esteem. The sense that they are worth your time strengthens their ability to make good choices.

EXPRESSES YOUR CARE. The greatest gift in life is to be known and still loved. When you walk with someone through their dark times, often embarrassing times, you are saying that you love them unconditionally. Your presence is love...plain and simple. Through love, there is wholeness felt, and hope envisioned. Worry far less about what to say but so much more about just showing up.

CLARIFIES THEIR THOUGHTS. When a friend is given permission to talk out their frustrations and issues, the problem can begin to get clearer for them. Through this verbal processing of the troubles, they start to understand what is going on and a sense of relief kicks in. Often, they end up talking out the steps they need to take. When things begin to make sense they will feel far less pressure and be thinking about the first steps of a game plan.

CALMS THEIR FEARS. Just hearing out a friend’s problem, starts to calm them down. Your presence with them in the pain lessens the fears because they are not alone. How many times have you heard a person in crisis, “Stay with me”. By being there, their burden is shared; it is cut in half. By venting they are getting it off their chest. That lets off pressure. When they talk it out and calm down, your friend will make far better choices not driven by fear and panic.

UNDERSTANDING THEIR SITUATION. You will never be a good caregiver unless you take the time to get their story clear to you. What are the issues? How deep are the wounds? How long has it been going on? What have they done to this point to resolve things? Where are they at emotionally? Without taking the time to listen, clarifying what isn’t clear and checking to see if you understand, your help may be off.

Be brave and start listening. There is such healing in just feeling heard. Remember, you showing up and saying, “talk to me” goes miles in the healing process.